Liminal spaces and the plight of injury
Belonging and not belonging
I finally reached a level of consistency before a niggle of an injury became a full blown injury. I’d improved from scoring no runs to scoring a pair of twos across a weekend! Consistency builds success….perhaps… While running one of those four runs I strained a thigh muscle to the point that I knew this wasn’t a good thing and it was time to rest. Sometimes the body wins. Physiotherapy, rest and strengthening will hopefully get me back out on the park in the next few weeks.
I’m not a great spectator at cricket, particlarly when I know I could have been playing but I can’t be out there. Despite my lack of contribution with runs this season I still want to be out there. Watching matches fluctuating and turning without being a part of it feels a bit alien. I’ve enjoyed watching some of my friends do well, two continue to excel this season with impressive batting and bowling displays and I hope that continues. But I still feel slightly detached from it all watching from the sidelines.
Belonging is weird. It is tied up in who we are. We belong to social groups, clubs, families, work and much, much more. We have roles in those spheres and environments, roles which help to define us and make us feel part of something. They validate us and give meaning to life — to think about it at the broadest level.
Belonging while only watching is hard. I’m sure it isn’t unique to me. Although I know it isn’t forever, hopefully only a few weeks, I’m aware how quickly I can feel like I’m not a player anymore, just a fan, a spectator, watching from the side. I know it is more complex than that, I’m a spectator who knows all the players and that makes a difference. But does it make it harder when you can’t be out there trying to help your mates when things are tough? The sidelines can feel isolating.
Playing the game feels like a distant memory. Did I really play just a few weeks ago? Was I out there, part of the team? How will I transition back to playing? The liminal space of transition is challenging for us all, adapting to change. It is fair to say I’m not comfortable adapting to a life on the sidelines! My time for that isn’t now, there is too much cricket to play.
While on the injury list I’ve taken the time to watch my teammates play in a number of different matches. I watched a limited overs (Twenty20) match on Tuesday evening in the Spring sunshine. We played a local club against whom we have a poor record and in a format we have struggled in over recent years. I stood on the sides watching the match as the sun beat down. At the halfway point a familar script was being written. Things were not going well. But the match changed in the blink of an eye with a powerful, almost bossy, run chase leaving the opposition void of ideas, seeing the match swing in our favour. The confidence of some of our top order batsmen astounded me. I never have confidence like that! Belief can be an incredible predictor of success. I need to believe more. We went on to win that match, in style. It was a really impressive performance for a club that woulnd’t have been fancied in this competition by many. It was my club that achieved it and it was great to watch.
As I work back from injury, getting fitter and trying to find my place back on the cricket field I have to try and be patient. This is harder than you might think when the English summer can feel so short. I don’t want to forget what it is like to play, I don’t want to forget the feeling of making runs, being part of a team and winning (or losing) matches. This liminal space, the unknown territory I am in, is not a place I want to stay — I want to get back to what I know. Patience, I keep telling myself I need patience, but it isn’t my strong suit.
